Friday is a happy day once again :)

The anxiety has been building for some time now waiting for this day to come. I would be ok with it, and then I wouldn't, then I would, then...you get the point! That's a LOT of rollercoaster-ing with the emotions people! Absolutely exhausting!

Last night after a busy day at work, an emotional call to confirm my appointment for the ultrasound I met up with one of my wonderful sister in law's for dinner and a vent fest! It was sooooooo nice!! I spewed what I felt needed to be spewed and she listened and took it all in...whilst we enjoyed some amazing butter chicken...!!

We then hit Old Navy where she got some FANTASTIC news that friends of theirs who have been through some very difficult times had their baby last night. We were so happy for them! Such a blessing and the exact bit of amazing news that made our night even greater...so as we left the mall she looked at me and said "tomorrow during your ultrasound, remember this happy feeling..."

Then later that night the head hits the pillow and the mind starts a goin'...and going, and going...

Sleep finally came but was everything but restful...I was pretty much a wreck this morning, stomach was churning, the whole nine...but I did manage to still enjoy my coffee and a bagel (that's how I roll).

Dropped kids at school, wonderful mother in law came to watch the little man while we made our way to the appointment. Mike tried his best to keep my mind off of it but I don't think I said one word the whole time.

Enter waiting room, check in, wait, wait some more, cry a little (or a lot, cause that's also how I roll), then she called my name....

As she is doing her thing with my neck I start to panic because she is typing things on her keyboard on my RIGHT side and there was never anything over there, is there now? What's she doing? (heart racing like crazy). She asks if I'm ok and I give her the "oh ya, I'm fine"...NOT!! She proceeds to the left side of my neck and I wait...more typing, more searching, more typing...I'm about to pass out at this point...and I pray...and pray...

Then she says "Well, the results will go back to your doctor but everything looks good"...silence...crickets...WHAT DID YOU SAY?? I follow up with "Are you sure you looked all over the place, like up here?" (pointing to where I thought I felt a lump)...

Bless her heart, she goes over AGAIN for my sanity the place I was talking about and said "Yep, you have lymphnodes, we all have lymphnodes (duh) and I see three of them" (to which she proceeded to count them as she found them again)..."and they look fine"

I then turn into a puddle on the floor thanking her so much for giving me good news and apologizing for being a complete basket case. She was sooo amazing and said "I don't blame you one bit for reacting like this, you've been through a lot. The important thing is to keep coming back to get an ultrasound EVERY year. This year it's good news"

I walk back into the waiting room to Mike and cry my face off, HAPPY tears and the stress is GONE!! I can't even begin to explain how relieved I felt...

Today was a GREAT day! Bring on Christmas!

Friday is a coming...

and although this is usually a super awesome happy day for everyone, I, my friends, have an ultrasound of my neck...

Now it's time for me to be real with all of you...I am FULLY expecting them to find something in this ultrasound...not because I "feel" like they will, or because I'm "waiting for the ball to drop", but because I have swollen lymph glands under my chin and a lump nearby...

So...what do we do with this information? Well, we go for an ultrasound...and a couple weeks ago I was an absolute WRECK at the mere thought of this appointment but now I have done some digging (Google, cause that's how I roll), some soul searching, some venting and crying, and a lot of praying, and am now at peace with it. If they find something then we'll deal with it...WE will deal with it. I have to get out of this "I'm in this alone" mindset and lean on all of the amazing people in my life.

Am I still a little worried?? Of course, but I know that I have been through all of this before and I can do it again. Beyond that I don't know what else to say...I just needed to let you know that this is what is coming up and this is what's on my mind!

T