I have been trying to track down a drug called Thyrogen. This would be the astronomically expensive injections that would put my body into a hypothyroid state without all the nasty side effects and allow me to continue my regular meds while I get my bloodwork done. But alas, it is no where to be found because of a MAJOR shortage nationwide. Good times...NOT!
Now what? Well, the only other option is to stop taking my thyroid meds for 3 weeks, and then go for my bloodwork. I have never been off my meds before so I'm pretty freaked out since it sounds like being hypothyroid is all kinds of brutal with things like headaches, puffyness, tiredness, the shakes, mood swings (more so than normal LOL) and the list goes on! I think Dr. C described it as "feeling like you've been hit by a truck". It also looks like the symptoms can vary greatly from person to person so here's to hoping that it's a little more on the bearable side and not the unbearable side, cause with working full time and a very busy family at home it could be ridiculous in this house over the next 3 weeks!
I am warning you all in advance and thank you for your patience :)
If nothing else, it's another adventure and at least I'll know how my body reacts if I ever have to do it again.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
March it is...
Good evening! First of all let me just acknowledge my epic fail for blogging the past month. But anywhoo, onward and upward my friends. There's really no excuse besides the fact that I can be a bit of a procrastinator.
On with what's happening with me and my journey...at the beginning of February I had my annual meeting with my endocrinologist Dr. B, or the physician otherwise known as Cancer Doctor. Mike and I went to see him and he informed us that my ultrasound came back clear, my bloodwork was great and right where he wants it and if I was any other thyroid cancer patient he would let me off the hook and call it a day with me...GREAT NEWS RIGHT???
Wait a second...here's the kicker! Because I didn't just have your run of the mill papillary thyroid cancer I am a bit of an exception to the rule he says...if you recall (and I seriously don't think you would) I was diagnosed with Papillary Thyroid Cancer Tall Cell Variant. Because of this variant which is known to be a little on the tricky side and unpredictable he isn't dropping me from his doctor roster just yet.
What's up next??? Thyrogen injections once again. This means I get to try and track down this IMPOSSIBLE drug from somewhere and pay a BILLION dollars for it (thank goodness for benefits) and have it injected into me twice. Thyrogen has been on a massive shortage for a very long time and therefore very difficult to get. If I don't get this drug, the alternative would be to take myself off my Synthroid (fake thyroid) for 3 weeks which would result in me probably feeling like I have been run over, again and again by a MAC truck.
WHY in the world do I have to do this?? Because we need to see if there are any pesky thyroid cells left lingering in my body that could turn into cancer again...by getting the injections it would immediately raise my levels to where they would need to be to get an accurate Thyroglobulin reading to see if there are any detectable cells lurking...without the side effects. But I might not have a choice but to feel like complete junk and completely useless because I am having ZERO luck with tracking down this drug...but the upside I guess would be it would give me an excuse to just lay around and sleep since I probably won't be able to do much else :)
If the bloodwork comes back from this with a detectable thyroglobulin level then he really wants me to go for an MRI to see what we can find...yippee eh?? Ya, not so much! If you think I freaked out with the ultrasound of my neck, stay tuned folks cause you ain't seen nothing yet! LOL
So, now that you are all up to speed on the thyroid cancer situation, I have also made a decision to stop striking against the medical profession and have booked a physical! WHOO HOO!! This may not seem like a massive thing to many, but it really is a positive step in healing for me!
Never a dull moment my friends...never...thanks for stopping by!
On with what's happening with me and my journey...at the beginning of February I had my annual meeting with my endocrinologist Dr. B, or the physician otherwise known as Cancer Doctor. Mike and I went to see him and he informed us that my ultrasound came back clear, my bloodwork was great and right where he wants it and if I was any other thyroid cancer patient he would let me off the hook and call it a day with me...GREAT NEWS RIGHT???
Wait a second...here's the kicker! Because I didn't just have your run of the mill papillary thyroid cancer I am a bit of an exception to the rule he says...if you recall (and I seriously don't think you would) I was diagnosed with Papillary Thyroid Cancer Tall Cell Variant. Because of this variant which is known to be a little on the tricky side and unpredictable he isn't dropping me from his doctor roster just yet.
What's up next??? Thyrogen injections once again. This means I get to try and track down this IMPOSSIBLE drug from somewhere and pay a BILLION dollars for it (thank goodness for benefits) and have it injected into me twice. Thyrogen has been on a massive shortage for a very long time and therefore very difficult to get. If I don't get this drug, the alternative would be to take myself off my Synthroid (fake thyroid) for 3 weeks which would result in me probably feeling like I have been run over, again and again by a MAC truck.
WHY in the world do I have to do this?? Because we need to see if there are any pesky thyroid cells left lingering in my body that could turn into cancer again...by getting the injections it would immediately raise my levels to where they would need to be to get an accurate Thyroglobulin reading to see if there are any detectable cells lurking...without the side effects. But I might not have a choice but to feel like complete junk and completely useless because I am having ZERO luck with tracking down this drug...but the upside I guess would be it would give me an excuse to just lay around and sleep since I probably won't be able to do much else :)
If the bloodwork comes back from this with a detectable thyroglobulin level then he really wants me to go for an MRI to see what we can find...yippee eh?? Ya, not so much! If you think I freaked out with the ultrasound of my neck, stay tuned folks cause you ain't seen nothing yet! LOL
So, now that you are all up to speed on the thyroid cancer situation, I have also made a decision to stop striking against the medical profession and have booked a physical! WHOO HOO!! This may not seem like a massive thing to many, but it really is a positive step in healing for me!
Never a dull moment my friends...never...thanks for stopping by!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
February already???
How did that happen?? It's amazing how things just fly by. The older I get and the older my children get, the faster things seem to go. I went shopping with our lovely 10 year old last night and boy oh boy is she becoming quite the young lady...she went from loathing shopping trips and not really caring about hair, clothes or accessories, to picking out green skinny jeans, purple high tops and seriously loving belts right now. The discussions we have been having in the past little bit made reality hit me square in the face - she is embarking upon those lovely teen years which we all cherished (bwahahahaha!!!) Obviously it's only natural to get all mushy and nostalgic about when she was a tiny baby and all of her firsts but I'm actually quite excited about it...not the crazy mood swings, the bad hair days and the "my world is ending" part of what is coming up for her, but the anticipation of the next phase of our lives...
We are DONE here in the Ferguson household when it comes to all things BABY, so it's onto the next part...by the time fall rolls around ALL 3 of our beauties will be in some sort of schooling...yes, that's right! C will be in pre-school, R will be in Grade 1 and T in Grade 5 (Middle School!!!!!!!)
Over the past few weeks we have been working our little butts off getting rid of clutter in our cozy little abode hoping to list it in the near future so we can find a house where we AREN'T all living on top of eachother...sorting through all of this stuff is actually quite ridiculous! I can't believe how much STUFF we have been hanging onto for years! Well, tis the year to PURGE and it feels GREAT!! I used to be the Queen of holding onto everything (just in case) but throwing stuff out, bagging things for donations and doing dump runs feels fantastic! Almost like a new start...
Happy February everyone...
We are DONE here in the Ferguson household when it comes to all things BABY, so it's onto the next part...by the time fall rolls around ALL 3 of our beauties will be in some sort of schooling...yes, that's right! C will be in pre-school, R will be in Grade 1 and T in Grade 5 (Middle School!!!!!!!)
Over the past few weeks we have been working our little butts off getting rid of clutter in our cozy little abode hoping to list it in the near future so we can find a house where we AREN'T all living on top of eachother...sorting through all of this stuff is actually quite ridiculous! I can't believe how much STUFF we have been hanging onto for years! Well, tis the year to PURGE and it feels GREAT!! I used to be the Queen of holding onto everything (just in case) but throwing stuff out, bagging things for donations and doing dump runs feels fantastic! Almost like a new start...
Happy February everyone...
Monday, January 23, 2012
One thing at a time
OK peeps! I have been doing a little soul searching lately resulting in ridiculous amounts of thoughts running through my head that I wish would just automatically record on something so I can write it out when I get home to share with everyone...but alas, until such a thing can be imbedded in one's brain I must go through all of my random thoughts one at a time...so bear with me...(not all in one blog post so DON'T WORRY!! LOL)
I haven't been too motivated lately to do pretty....much...anything...it's one of those things that it gets overwhelming trying to wrap your mind around ALL of the things that need to get done or that I want to get done so in the end VERY little gets done...even though I feel like I never stop moving...little bit here and there so a lot of things get started but not a whole lot gets completed! STORY OF MY LIFE!
I've had to be honest with myself about a lot of things and try to change the way I think about life, my attitude, my relationships with others, how I can't control a lot of things (which is very hard for me to grasp) and so on...but I need to focus on the things that I can control like how I react to people by not letting things get to me and taking them so personally that I start to think something is wrong with ME...and just let...it...GO!! So for 2012 I have to focus on busting out of my comfort zone and doing things to help my mental state cause I am EXHAUSTED!!
If you can recall, since my cancer diagnosis I have been trying to strike against any doctors whatsoever...is this healthy? NO, of course not, but it turned out to be one of the ways I dealt with it (or didn't deal with it). Although I have gone to all of my follow ups with my specialists I have moaned about each and every one of them (you know what I'm talking about, you read it ;)
I was angry at my family doctor because he was the poor man who had to walk into that room and tell me that I had cancer. But today I CHOSE to follow through with an appointment to go and see him to have a chat. After we had some honesty time together I realized just how NOT OK I am with stuff that has been happening in my life over the past 3.5 years....I have to find a way to enjoy life again and enjoy the things that used to make me happy...
So, that being said, I found a crochet dishcloth book that I have had for years with 99 patterns in it. I am going to set myself a goal to make 1 dishcloth a day until I have a schwackload of them. I've always wanted to do it so there's no time like the present! I know this may sound lame, but it's something small that I can start with...one little thing at a time :)
I haven't been too motivated lately to do pretty....much...anything...it's one of those things that it gets overwhelming trying to wrap your mind around ALL of the things that need to get done or that I want to get done so in the end VERY little gets done...even though I feel like I never stop moving...little bit here and there so a lot of things get started but not a whole lot gets completed! STORY OF MY LIFE!
I've had to be honest with myself about a lot of things and try to change the way I think about life, my attitude, my relationships with others, how I can't control a lot of things (which is very hard for me to grasp) and so on...but I need to focus on the things that I can control like how I react to people by not letting things get to me and taking them so personally that I start to think something is wrong with ME...and just let...it...GO!! So for 2012 I have to focus on busting out of my comfort zone and doing things to help my mental state cause I am EXHAUSTED!!
If you can recall, since my cancer diagnosis I have been trying to strike against any doctors whatsoever...is this healthy? NO, of course not, but it turned out to be one of the ways I dealt with it (or didn't deal with it). Although I have gone to all of my follow ups with my specialists I have moaned about each and every one of them (you know what I'm talking about, you read it ;)
I was angry at my family doctor because he was the poor man who had to walk into that room and tell me that I had cancer. But today I CHOSE to follow through with an appointment to go and see him to have a chat. After we had some honesty time together I realized just how NOT OK I am with stuff that has been happening in my life over the past 3.5 years....I have to find a way to enjoy life again and enjoy the things that used to make me happy...
So, that being said, I found a crochet dishcloth book that I have had for years with 99 patterns in it. I am going to set myself a goal to make 1 dishcloth a day until I have a schwackload of them. I've always wanted to do it so there's no time like the present! I know this may sound lame, but it's something small that I can start with...one little thing at a time :)
Friday, December 16, 2011
Friday is a happy day once again :)
The anxiety has been building for some time now waiting for this day to come. I would be ok with it, and then I wouldn't, then I would, then...you get the point! That's a LOT of rollercoaster-ing with the emotions people! Absolutely exhausting!
Last night after a busy day at work, an emotional call to confirm my appointment for the ultrasound I met up with one of my wonderful sister in law's for dinner and a vent fest! It was sooooooo nice!! I spewed what I felt needed to be spewed and she listened and took it all in...whilst we enjoyed some amazing butter chicken...!!
We then hit Old Navy where she got some FANTASTIC news that friends of theirs who have been through some very difficult times had their baby last night. We were so happy for them! Such a blessing and the exact bit of amazing news that made our night even greater...so as we left the mall she looked at me and said "tomorrow during your ultrasound, remember this happy feeling..."
Then later that night the head hits the pillow and the mind starts a goin'...and going, and going...
Sleep finally came but was everything but restful...I was pretty much a wreck this morning, stomach was churning, the whole nine...but I did manage to still enjoy my coffee and a bagel (that's how I roll).
Dropped kids at school, wonderful mother in law came to watch the little man while we made our way to the appointment. Mike tried his best to keep my mind off of it but I don't think I said one word the whole time.
Enter waiting room, check in, wait, wait some more, cry a little (or a lot, cause that's also how I roll), then she called my name....
As she is doing her thing with my neck I start to panic because she is typing things on her keyboard on my RIGHT side and there was never anything over there, is there now? What's she doing? (heart racing like crazy). She asks if I'm ok and I give her the "oh ya, I'm fine"...NOT!! She proceeds to the left side of my neck and I wait...more typing, more searching, more typing...I'm about to pass out at this point...and I pray...and pray...
Then she says "Well, the results will go back to your doctor but everything looks good"...silence...crickets...WHAT DID YOU SAY?? I follow up with "Are you sure you looked all over the place, like up here?" (pointing to where I thought I felt a lump)...
Bless her heart, she goes over AGAIN for my sanity the place I was talking about and said "Yep, you have lymphnodes, we all have lymphnodes (duh) and I see three of them" (to which she proceeded to count them as she found them again)..."and they look fine"
I then turn into a puddle on the floor thanking her so much for giving me good news and apologizing for being a complete basket case. She was sooo amazing and said "I don't blame you one bit for reacting like this, you've been through a lot. The important thing is to keep coming back to get an ultrasound EVERY year. This year it's good news"
I walk back into the waiting room to Mike and cry my face off, HAPPY tears and the stress is GONE!! I can't even begin to explain how relieved I felt...
Today was a GREAT day! Bring on Christmas!
Last night after a busy day at work, an emotional call to confirm my appointment for the ultrasound I met up with one of my wonderful sister in law's for dinner and a vent fest! It was sooooooo nice!! I spewed what I felt needed to be spewed and she listened and took it all in...whilst we enjoyed some amazing butter chicken...!!
We then hit Old Navy where she got some FANTASTIC news that friends of theirs who have been through some very difficult times had their baby last night. We were so happy for them! Such a blessing and the exact bit of amazing news that made our night even greater...so as we left the mall she looked at me and said "tomorrow during your ultrasound, remember this happy feeling..."
Then later that night the head hits the pillow and the mind starts a goin'...and going, and going...
Sleep finally came but was everything but restful...I was pretty much a wreck this morning, stomach was churning, the whole nine...but I did manage to still enjoy my coffee and a bagel (that's how I roll).
Dropped kids at school, wonderful mother in law came to watch the little man while we made our way to the appointment. Mike tried his best to keep my mind off of it but I don't think I said one word the whole time.
Enter waiting room, check in, wait, wait some more, cry a little (or a lot, cause that's also how I roll), then she called my name....
As she is doing her thing with my neck I start to panic because she is typing things on her keyboard on my RIGHT side and there was never anything over there, is there now? What's she doing? (heart racing like crazy). She asks if I'm ok and I give her the "oh ya, I'm fine"...NOT!! She proceeds to the left side of my neck and I wait...more typing, more searching, more typing...I'm about to pass out at this point...and I pray...and pray...
Then she says "Well, the results will go back to your doctor but everything looks good"...silence...crickets...WHAT DID YOU SAY?? I follow up with "Are you sure you looked all over the place, like up here?" (pointing to where I thought I felt a lump)...
Bless her heart, she goes over AGAIN for my sanity the place I was talking about and said "Yep, you have lymphnodes, we all have lymphnodes (duh) and I see three of them" (to which she proceeded to count them as she found them again)..."and they look fine"
I then turn into a puddle on the floor thanking her so much for giving me good news and apologizing for being a complete basket case. She was sooo amazing and said "I don't blame you one bit for reacting like this, you've been through a lot. The important thing is to keep coming back to get an ultrasound EVERY year. This year it's good news"
I walk back into the waiting room to Mike and cry my face off, HAPPY tears and the stress is GONE!! I can't even begin to explain how relieved I felt...
Today was a GREAT day! Bring on Christmas!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Friday is a coming...
and although this is usually a super awesome happy day for everyone, I, my friends, have an ultrasound of my neck...
Now it's time for me to be real with all of you...I am FULLY expecting them to find something in this ultrasound...not because I "feel" like they will, or because I'm "waiting for the ball to drop", but because I have swollen lymph glands under my chin and a lump nearby...
So...what do we do with this information? Well, we go for an ultrasound...and a couple weeks ago I was an absolute WRECK at the mere thought of this appointment but now I have done some digging (Google, cause that's how I roll), some soul searching, some venting and crying, and a lot of praying, and am now at peace with it. If they find something then we'll deal with it...WE will deal with it. I have to get out of this "I'm in this alone" mindset and lean on all of the amazing people in my life.
Am I still a little worried?? Of course, but I know that I have been through all of this before and I can do it again. Beyond that I don't know what else to say...I just needed to let you know that this is what is coming up and this is what's on my mind!
T
Now it's time for me to be real with all of you...I am FULLY expecting them to find something in this ultrasound...not because I "feel" like they will, or because I'm "waiting for the ball to drop", but because I have swollen lymph glands under my chin and a lump nearby...
So...what do we do with this information? Well, we go for an ultrasound...and a couple weeks ago I was an absolute WRECK at the mere thought of this appointment but now I have done some digging (Google, cause that's how I roll), some soul searching, some venting and crying, and a lot of praying, and am now at peace with it. If they find something then we'll deal with it...WE will deal with it. I have to get out of this "I'm in this alone" mindset and lean on all of the amazing people in my life.
Am I still a little worried?? Of course, but I know that I have been through all of this before and I can do it again. Beyond that I don't know what else to say...I just needed to let you know that this is what is coming up and this is what's on my mind!
T
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Random emotional thought day
This is the place where I can just open up and talk right? Ok...today was an interesting day and turned out to be a very emotionally draining day and I didn't even realize it happened until about 10 minutes ago when my body just decided ENOUGH and it seems to be forcing me into an early bedtime (which is so not like me).
Nothing earth shattering happened, just little things all day that all ended up in the dreaded CANCER word. First thing this morning as I boarded the elevator at work I overheard some women talking about how one lady's daughter's best friend's mom died yesterday morning of cancer......I can't even describe to you the disgusting, sinking feeling I felt hearing this. They then get off the elevator and carry on with their day....and so do I.
An hour or so later one of the lovely lawyers I work with gets an e-mail from her mom saying that a close family friend died of cancer earlier this week....ugh...when will this stop???
Lunch time comes and today is the monthly dim sum outing with a few of my co-workers...always a great time. Towards the end of lunch we get into the conversation about...you guessed it...CANCER...don't even know how that happened but we heard a story of a co-worker's journey through cancer when his Dad died from it 7 years ago. I have known this co-worker for the past 7.5 years and I have never heard the actual story behind it because no one ever wants to bring it up obviously...I wanted to cry just re-living it with him as he spoke...I asked him what kind of state of mind his Dad was in when he got the news that his cancer was terminal and he said about 2 weeks afterwards he asked to go outside and for the first time in his life he sat there and REALLY saw everything...he focused on birds, trees, sounds, smells, every little detail...
I then shared the story of my amazing friend Tracy who died 11 years ago at 23 years of age and how that affected my entire life...another co-worker shared how her Dad died of cancer when he was 32 years old and she was only 4...the only memory she has of him is him screaming in pain...how is this right?? None of this makes sense...
...emotional to say the least...when is this all going to end? Why can we spend so much time and money on ridiculous things in life like that darn "Peace" bridge (don't even get me started on that stupid piece of junk) or conducting studies on if women prefer facial hair on their men or not, and can't put all of those millions into finding a cure for even ONE of these cancers...just start with ONE!!!
Thanks for listening...
Nothing earth shattering happened, just little things all day that all ended up in the dreaded CANCER word. First thing this morning as I boarded the elevator at work I overheard some women talking about how one lady's daughter's best friend's mom died yesterday morning of cancer......I can't even describe to you the disgusting, sinking feeling I felt hearing this. They then get off the elevator and carry on with their day....and so do I.
An hour or so later one of the lovely lawyers I work with gets an e-mail from her mom saying that a close family friend died of cancer earlier this week....ugh...when will this stop???
Lunch time comes and today is the monthly dim sum outing with a few of my co-workers...always a great time. Towards the end of lunch we get into the conversation about...you guessed it...CANCER...don't even know how that happened but we heard a story of a co-worker's journey through cancer when his Dad died from it 7 years ago. I have known this co-worker for the past 7.5 years and I have never heard the actual story behind it because no one ever wants to bring it up obviously...I wanted to cry just re-living it with him as he spoke...I asked him what kind of state of mind his Dad was in when he got the news that his cancer was terminal and he said about 2 weeks afterwards he asked to go outside and for the first time in his life he sat there and REALLY saw everything...he focused on birds, trees, sounds, smells, every little detail...
I then shared the story of my amazing friend Tracy who died 11 years ago at 23 years of age and how that affected my entire life...another co-worker shared how her Dad died of cancer when he was 32 years old and she was only 4...the only memory she has of him is him screaming in pain...how is this right?? None of this makes sense...
...emotional to say the least...when is this all going to end? Why can we spend so much time and money on ridiculous things in life like that darn "Peace" bridge (don't even get me started on that stupid piece of junk) or conducting studies on if women prefer facial hair on their men or not, and can't put all of those millions into finding a cure for even ONE of these cancers...just start with ONE!!!
Thanks for listening...
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