Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Breathe Again

I walked to the mailbox one day to get the massive pile that had been accumulating in there (gotta love superboxes) and started sorting out Mike's mail, my mail, and junk mail. I then came across an envelope from the Foothills Hospital with my Endocrinologist's name on it...insert sinking gut feeling seems that every time things start to return to a somewhat normal state, cancer comes back to slap me in the face!! Or someone associated with it....guess I should probably get OVER that eh? Trust me, I'm WORKING on it!

So me being the Queen of Avoidance decided to deal with every other piece of mail before even thinking about ripping open that envelope. But alas, even the mound of mail couldn't keep me busy FOREVER so I decided to get it over with.

I ripped open the envelope and there was the inevitable requisition form to go and have my blood taken to see what my Thyroglobulin level was (I think that's what it's called). Now this level spits back a number to the doctors that apparently is very important. Me being without a thyroid and having gone through 2 rounds of radioactiveness SHOULD have NO traceable levels in my system. So, the doctors want to see this level lower than .02 I think it is or else it means there is something still active in my body which means NOT GOOD! In between surgery 1 and surgery 2 my level came back as a 2, and low and behold there was a second tumour in my neck.

I brought the requisition to work with me and did everything in my power to avoid actually making the trip to the lab. The girls there though asked me when I was supposed to be going for more tests and I mentioned the impending requisition and they made me make an appointment for the following afternoon. I went the next day like a good little girl and was so nervous, even though I knew that I wasn't going to find anything out at the lab, I just wasn't sure if I could prepare myself for yet another "you have cancer" moment!

And then...say it with me people...WE WAIT...and WAIT....and WAIT! Finally after 2 weeks of waiting I kept trying to tell myself that no news is good news, but there hasn't really been any moments of "good news" throughout this journey so I was waiting for the ball to drop. I had to refill my thyroid prescription so I decided to e-mail my doc and ask him if about my results and if I needed a different dose of meds.

Last Thursday I sent him a message and this afternoon I opened up my e-mail and there was his name...insert gut wrenching, almost going to throw up feeling here...I reluctantly opened it and he said, Hi Tracy, Perfect Results and same dose! Have a great day!

WHAT? Where's the bad news? Re-read the message. Could it be...???? Re-read the message. Seriously???

The room is spinning at this point and I honestly had to read his message about 10 times! For the FIRST time since my diagnosis on June 30th, 2008 I could breathe...and there wasn't a dull ache in the background!! It felt like there was the weight of the world lifted off of my chest and I saw the world in a new way! I don't even know how to explain it...I wanted to LAUGH, CRY, SCREAM, JUMP, FALL TO THE GROUND, and HUG everyone I saw! My heart would race and then slow down and then I would get almost giddy with happiness!! All I kept saying to myself was THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! In my mind I was thanking my doctor for sending me that e-mail, thanking my friends and family for all of the love and support and most of all thanking GOD for being with me every step of the way!!!

CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS EVERYONE??? I just want to yell from the rooftops! If I was on Oprah I would be pulling a Tom Cruise and jumping on her couch! THAT is how happy I am!!

Today (like every day) was an amazing blessing!!

I will still have to do routine tests and scans for the next few years but I feel so much stronger right now and that will help me get through those!!