OK peeps! I have been doing a little soul searching lately resulting in ridiculous amounts of thoughts running through my head that I wish would just automatically record on something so I can write it out when I get home to share with everyone...but alas, until such a thing can be imbedded in one's brain I must go through all of my random thoughts one at a time...so bear with me...(not all in one blog post so DON'T WORRY!! LOL)
I haven't been too motivated lately to do pretty....much...anything...it's one of those things that it gets overwhelming trying to wrap your mind around ALL of the things that need to get done or that I want to get done so in the end VERY little gets done...even though I feel like I never stop moving...little bit here and there so a lot of things get started but not a whole lot gets completed! STORY OF MY LIFE!
I've had to be honest with myself about a lot of things and try to change the way I think about life, my attitude, my relationships with others, how I can't control a lot of things (which is very hard for me to grasp) and so on...but I need to focus on the things that I can control like how I react to people by not letting things get to me and taking them so personally that I start to think something is wrong with ME...and just let...it...GO!! So for 2012 I have to focus on busting out of my comfort zone and doing things to help my mental state cause I am EXHAUSTED!!
If you can recall, since my cancer diagnosis I have been trying to strike against any doctors whatsoever...is this healthy? NO, of course not, but it turned out to be one of the ways I dealt with it (or didn't deal with it). Although I have gone to all of my follow ups with my specialists I have moaned about each and every one of them (you know what I'm talking about, you read it ;)
I was angry at my family doctor because he was the poor man who had to walk into that room and tell me that I had cancer. But today I CHOSE to follow through with an appointment to go and see him to have a chat. After we had some honesty time together I realized just how NOT OK I am with stuff that has been happening in my life over the past 3.5 years....I have to find a way to enjoy life again and enjoy the things that used to make me happy...
So, that being said, I found a crochet dishcloth book that I have had for years with 99 patterns in it. I am going to set myself a goal to make 1 dishcloth a day until I have a schwackload of them. I've always wanted to do it so there's no time like the present! I know this may sound lame, but it's something small that I can start with...one little thing at a time :)