I have been wondering for the past little while if everyone reading this blog is saying to themselves or to others "why is she telling us all this personal stuff ?...why doesn't she just keep it to herself?..."
My first issue is that I need to stop caring or worrying about what other people think, feel or say about me...whether they like me or not, if they're mad at me, why we don't talk much anymore and so on...cause at the end of the day, I can't make people like me. All I can be is myself and if that isn't someone's cup of tea then that's ok...
The reason I have chosen to write down everything for people to read is because that's how I get through things...I talk about them, think about them...write them down. It's good for my brain space. If I get it out of there then it's less noisy and easier to deal with other things. I by no means want people to think that I am just looking for attention or that I feel like I am any different than anybody else walking through this crazy journey called LIFE, but you have all been an amazing support to me for the past 4.5 years or longer and I want to continue to be honest with each of you.
This honesty path I have taken for the past couple of months has been extremely hard for me because I am facing and acknowledging things that I have long since pushed aside, pretending that they don't matter. That tactic hasn't been working very well so it's time to be REAL. I have been told for so long that I am strong...even when I don't feel strong. But naturally I would tell myself that if people think that I'm strong, then it must be true and so it was hard for me to show moments of weakness. I am now realizing that even the strongest people can have the weakest moments...and that's ok too.
I write this blog so you all know what's going on, so you can maybe get a glimpse of why I may have acted a certain way or reacted differently somehow. Behind all of the sarcasm and jokes there is some stuff happening and it shouldn't be something that has to be hidden from people or kept quiet. Life can be tough for everyone, but it makes it way more bearable at times if you have someone to chat with that you can trust or vent to someone and know they are truly listening to you.
All of this definitely doesn't give me an excuse for my behaviour sometimes but I am working on it and I thank you all for your patience, your support and most importantly, for listening :)
WIP (Work In Progress)