This afternoon I received a call from one of the psychologists that works with the Tom Baker Cancer Centre. The first question was "so why do you want to talk to someone now" (since it's been a few years)?? I followed that up with a "well, I was diagnosed when I was pregant with my third baby..." which is when he stopped and said "no need to explain further, we need to talk". I then told him that I kept putting if off because I thought it would just get better with time and it would be easier to deal with. But now that I think about it, trying to force it away from my mind is actually making it control me even more...in a very negative way. I keep telling myself that because I am still alive after cancer I don't have the right to complain or be upset...and that I should just be thankful and feel blessed for every day I am given at this point...but I think before I get to that point I have to actually DEAL with the fact that I had cancer. I figured since I made it THROUGH cancer that it meant that I had dealt with it...I now realize that I have been kidding myself.
The appointment is this Friday, September 28th at 3:00 p.m. I am scared to relive it all, and I'm having serious anxiety about it not helping, but excited at the same time. I NEED to take this step and trust the experts to help me. I am tired my friends...tired of being sad...tired of being angry....tired of not enjoying life...tired of waiting for the ball to drop...tired of not wanting to deal...tired of every day being a struggle...tired of being TIRED!
I will keep you all posted on this new stage of my journey...thanks for your support as always :)