That was the theme of this past Friday. I had my first appointment with my counsellor through the Tom Baker Cancer Centre. He has his resident with him so I get to have two people analyze me throughout this process, but they are both really nice so it can't be a bad thing. Having extra professional help is always welcome ;)
It took every bit of strength in me to walk into that building but once I met them it was pretty easy going. It was mostly just a background of what I've been through up to this point, what state of mind I'm in now about it all and then we were done. I wasn't sure what to expect but he put my mind at ease when he said that he deals strictly with patients who have head and neck cancer, so he was familiar with my endocrinologist and knows my surgeon really well. (haha, MY surgeon...that's a strange thing to say...) He was also familiar with all of the parts of my neck that they had to disect and take out and the seriousness of my calcium deficiency after the first surgery, even all about the numbness I now have in my shoulder and neck...and they mentioned my upcoming birthday too so that was another plus for them..hahaha
Anyways, the first step has been taken and I am very glad I have started this journey. He validated everything I have been feeling and made me realize that even though I am still here, I have still been very traumatized by it all. He said that I have something called "Survivor's guilt" since I don't feel like I have a right to complain or be upset about my experience since many others don't have the luxury of being around 4 years after their cancer diagnosis. The words "Intense Psychotherapy" were mentioned so it's probably a good thing I'm there chatting with them...!!! I might also have to talk to my cancer doctor about my dose of Synthroid since he said that sometimes if the dose isn't right (regardless if my bloodwork comes back "within the right levels") it can mimic depression...pretty much to a T...hmmmmm, interesting...
I had a very, very emotional and real day and I was exhausted when it finally came to an end...but it's needed.
I go back this Friday for another hour and take the next step...chatting away, chatting through it all!! I'll keep you posted!