Monday, January 3, 2011

Life...so many decisions to make...

If only there was a REAL thing called the Easy Button! Life is just so hard to figure out and to know which route to take. I had a few conversations today with my sister in law, a mom of one of my daughter's friends and of course, myself about a decision that I have been thinking about for a very, very, exhaustingly long time....STAYING HOME...

Mike and I always knew that it wouldn't even be an option until he was all done his schooling and has a full time job. Well, that was 4 years ago and now he is embarking on his last year of school and the reality of actually being able to stay home is smacking me in the face. Part of me really likes my job, my company and the people I work with. I consider myself to be very lucky in that respect. But a larger part of me is so tired of the commute downtown, the rat race, rushing around for dinner and not being able to spend a ton of quality time with my kids. Everything always feels so crazy and ridiculous and I feel like I'm ripping myself and my kids off!

Many factors come into play of course. I have medical coverage at my job and if I ever have to face the dreaded cancer again I know I will be covered for any time off I have to take. It also covers my yearly prescription which costs a small fortune. But I also don't want to give the possibility of cancer that much power to control the way I live my life. It's already taken so much of my time and energy. On the flip side, who knows how much time we have in this world and no one ever dies saying that they wished they would have worked more...

I never thought I would get to the point in my life where I would prefer to be at home, but I also think it's because it's never been an option for me in the past. I have always made my own money and am very happy with doing that so I will definitely have to do something on the side or very part time to bring in something but I am already trying to explore a few options to help me do that. But there's also the fear of quitting a great job that has me set up for retirement, savings and stock options which also benefit my kids and family in the long run and then things not working out the way we had hoped and I find myself having to look for another job...maybe I'm just over thinking it all???

Many people have told me "what's the point now? Your kids will pretty much all be in some sort of schooling by the time you are able to stay at home with them so why bother?" This fact is very true but I spoke with someone very wise today and she is the only one who has ever said this to me. She said "they need you just as much when they are older because that's when they can get into trouble and need a different type of guidance". I had honestly never thought of it that way because everyone puts so much emphasis on the first 5 years of life. So after all this it seems like a no brainer right? Then why am I experiencing such a fight over it? Because I'm scared to death of the unknown, I HATE change and despise leaving my comfort zone and not having a solid income of my own would definitely take me out of that area.

Bottom line - I want to be the one to drop them off, pick them up and hear all about their day...and the internal struggle continues...where's that EASY button when you need it??

No comments:

Post a Comment