Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Fast Forward

So I know that I'm not up to date with the rest of my journey but I really wanted to start a daily log while going through this next phase so I will give you guys the goods on the rest of the past year and a half in a little while...

After surgery thyroid cancer patients then go through this procedure called Radioactive Iodine's usually about 6 to 8 weeks after the surgery. The first time I had it done (January 2009) I went to the hospital and watched a video of what was going to happen, waited for my room mate to arrive, found out that my pregnancy test came back 'not negative enough'...didn't realize that could happen. This prolonged the actual procedure but eventually we got it underway.

Fast forward to yesterday....At 10:30 a.m. I drove myself to the hospital after kissing my babies goodbye and tried to check in. They didn't have any record of me having any kind of procedure so I had to go down to nuclear medicine and ask them. They had me on their list as already being there..hmmm...nope, cause HERE I AM!! Back up to admitting and try this again. Finally they get me all checked in and I go up to my unit. Once I got my room (by myself this time) I sit and wait for more a lab tech to come and collect more blood. Finally around 1:00 p.m. my lovely nurses come in and prep me for the "drink". Then I found out that my preg test came back again as "not negative enough". SERIOUSLY?? I then had to convince them that there was NO way I was pregnant so they would not stall the procedure.

I then have to sit down in a chair covered in plastic bags and put a bib on while one of the techs takes out a lead container (that's reassuring) containing the radioactive liquid that I have to suck through a straw. It's only about a mL of liquid but it definitely doesn't taste very good. Burnt almonds is what it is...but worse...if that makes sense! Once I drink it, they leave quickly and I am left by myself with occasional check-ins from a head that pokes in the door saying "how are ya hun"?

The radioactive iodine goes through my body and clings to any extra cells that may be hanging around that may cause some more cancer and hopefully gets rid of them. Sitting in a hospital room by yourself for 24 hours with little to no contact with even nurses makes one think...A LOT!!

I was flipping through the channels on my TV and found myself stopping at things like SportsNet and Treehouse or Family channel. These are all channels that are usually on at my house, but I'm not the one watching them. But it made me feel closer to my family just watching them. I remember thinking last night...I bet Mike is watching the sports updates right now, so I watched some of them too...even though they meant NOTHING to me. I watched NCIS as per weekly ritual and was comforted with the thought of Mike, Deb, Rebekah, Joshua and my good friend Kathy all watching it with other houses of course.

While my thoughts were going all over the place I really realized that even though there are little quirks that can sometimes be irritating about spouses and children, these were the same little quirks that were making me smile while sitting in the hospital. Man, I missed them!! I think this time around was going to be harder than the last time...maybe because the kids are older and they can sense my absense more now and that really upsets me.

Here's my final thought that I took away from my night of loneliness...sit alone in a room and just think about life...think about your partner, your kids, your friends...then write down the things that make you smile about these people and about what you absolutely love about them...then when you feel overwhelmed with life's situations or people in general you can pick up your notebook and read what you will take you back to a happy place and really make you appreciate even the moments and quirks that you don't usually embrace.

Night all...thanks for being here for me!!


  1. Beautifully said Tracy.
    I hope the time passes by quickly.

  2. I was wondering if you had to PVR NCIS or if you had it in your room :)
    Sorry it was such a rough time... glad you always look on the bight side (whistling)

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  4. Wow Tracy how you are able to get through this and at the same time help others is amazing. I took your advice on a night when i was alone and picked up a pen and paper, and me not being one to write about my feelings ever! was amazed on how it put everything together and allowed me to really touch base with the love i have for my family. You are an amazing person and have an amazing family, my familys thoughts and prayers are with you always